Everyone goes into marriage with a “vision” for what it should be like, but when things don’t go as planned many couples end up divorcing. The longevity of your relationship depends on your ability to remember why you chose each other in the first place. It is only you who knows what your ideal relationship is. And before taking any action ask yourself, what it is that you don’t like in your relationship, that you seek for marriage help. There are certain things you can’t change, and certain things you can change. And you need to have belief, ability and courage to do it.
You and your spouse may be in disagreement over how to spend money, raise your children, what to do on weekends or any of a host of other issues. You may find that your spouse tends to get their way on these issues, and you have had to put up with it. Or maybe, it’s you who always wins. It could be that your spouse’s indifference that irritates you. You may not be getting your emotional needs. Perhaps you don’t talk the way you did when you fell in love, or you are suffering from ridicule, unfair demands on you, or dishonesty by your spouse. In my case, I didn’t live my life anymore. I crawled through it. I felt I was in a runaway train, looking through the window. I just felt indifferent. My days were repeating themselves. I had to break through. I needed to save myself… and I did.
My first step was to accept things the way they are. Stop resisting them, as all you get is exasperation. If every quarrel or argument has you thinking of separation, your thoughts are putting your relationship at risk. You are thinking negatively based on prior disagreements even before the next argument begins. Get it out of you mind now! Instead focus on things you desire and on achieving them. And as soon as you do, problems start to give way to opportunities. How to save your marriage? Don’t just think about it, be about it. My first advice is that it shouldn’t be a strategy to stay married. It is a philosophy of well-being.
There are a number of ingredients that help a marriage to flourish:
- A Happy Marriage is a union of two people who maintain their independence, while continuing to develop a mutual connection together. And, that is not to imply that all husbands and wives have the same interests or dislikes. You must be able to have interesting lives on your own. If you’re passionate about something outside, it also brings passion inside your relationship.
- Good Communication – Your spouse is the one person who’s supposed to be there for you, your best friend, the one you can talk to about anything. You’re not supposed to feel lonely and shut out. It can’t be overstated how important it is in how to save your marriage.
- Trust and Forgiveness are the Rule – If an argument can’t be solved, the happy couple prefers trust and forgiveness over the alternatives.
- Same Team – You and your spouse must be on the same team, working together, supporting each other in your goals and everyday life. The two of you must not be adversaries who cannot trust each other.
- Sex and Romance – The two are like oxygen. They are what deposit the money to bank called Love.
- Respect and Willingness to listen and understand. Let your love shine. Nurture your shine in your quest for how to save your marriage today.
There are many books out there, promising a perfect solution to save your marriage. A common feature in most of them is giving an abundance of advice on fixing every aspect of a relationship, but most of them is simply a common sense. The books I read originally provided no new information to me, only now it was summarized. I became an encyclopedia of social situations. All these materials were telling how to treat the symptoms, but not how to cure the problem. The problem of growing distance, that we all fear might grow into divorce was not answered. How to Save your Marriage? To answer this question I had to realize being attentive and caring simply isn’t enough. In fact, it backfired at me. It takes more…
A Happy Marriage Requires More Maintenance Than Your Car
You can’t change other person, but it is possible to lead her in the right direction. I realized, I had to change myself first. And if I changed, truly changed my behavior, it would have to change my relationship. In the past marriage was simple, you got married, had little ones, labored the land, and stayed married whether you loved each other or not. The concept of “a happy marital life” was no more relevant than the idea of “a pretty tractor.” Steven Nock, a professor of sociology who studies marriage problems at the University of Virginia: “Couples don’t need each other for quite as many things as they once did. If you’re running a farm with someone, it doesn’t matter if you’re pissed at her or not. You need her labor as much as she needs yours. The couple is more or less equally dependent on each other.” However, if you are reading this, chances are you are not running a cattle farm with your mate. And if you are, you are probably doing it because you choose to, and not of a necessity. Sadly, we were not taught in schools how to build happy marriages. Statistics says more than 50% of marriages end in divorce, and the ones that don’t, are they happy? Marriage doesn’t always start on the right foot, but that doesn’t mean it won’t succeed. If you are determined to live a happy life, it’s all in your hands.
On my journey to save my marriage, I needed to understand what creates passion in the first place, and how to restore it in my relationship. When two of you met there was no commitment, only attraction. Take a moment and think about these two concepts. Big difference, Isn’t it? Which one of those do you want to be dominant in your relationship? The Right answer is the attraction. David DeAngelo says: “attraction is not a choice.” It means we don’t get to choose what we feel, but it’s our actions that determine how others feel about us.
In fact, I had to turn to seduction and dating courses for help, and one important thing I learned at that time was I needed to go against my intuition. Become unpredictable and spontaneous. There is nothing more boring than predictability, we all know that from movies. Life is no different – sometimes it’s better to push away people you love. “Love runs when you pursue it. Instead, go with the flow. Rather than resisting or fighting what is, relax into it. Trust that what is happening is for a reason.” – Amy Waterman.
I really have found “How to Save your Marriage Today” – The book series, to be comprehensive, easy to follow and practical unlike other books. I heard about it on CBS’s “Psychology today”. My life would be much different had I not stumbled onto it. I have learned not only the proper ways to interact, but how to build my life, and be a person my wife wants to be with. I stopped trying to save my marriage, and enjoyed my life, and my wife couldn’t resist, but fall in love with me again. I think that most people start off with a colorful picture for their relationship, but they don’t know how to bring that vision to manifestation. They lack the skill. They lack the knowledge. And, they just lack the tools to make those images manifest.
I find her relationship advice particularly refreshing, especially the section on forgiveness.
- Saving Your Marriage is not about giving in to everything your partner craves and demands. It is not about begging or pleading for more chances. Fixing marriage is not about forcing your partner to understand where they went wrong. With these actions, you only worsen the situation dramatically. “No conversation is ever going to work if you start it out by telling what your spouse is doing wrong.” You have to be willing to meet on even ground.
- Claim your life. It is about getting your life as a whole back on track. In order to have passion in your relationship you need to be passionate about something else outside the marriage. Express excitement about your interests, and don’t seek approval. Life is more interesting and exciting when not predictable. Be unexpected, be creative.
- Encouraging your partner’s goals and aspirations in ways where you grow together. And, having a lot of fun together again in the process.
- Art of forgiveness. I can’t overstate of how important for me it was to learn how to forgive and how to ask for forgiveness, in order to save my marriage. Be honest with yourself. When you say: “I forgive”, do you really? To forgive means to understand the person’s motives, accept that it happened, and finally express your understanding and let it go.
- Don’t be sorry. When you ask for forgiveness by saying “I’m sorry.” What your lover hears is, “I’m sorry, that I am never going to change.” Just think about it. As eastern philosophers say: “You must unlearn what you have learned”. And, you want your partner to know you are capable of doing this.
Stop the Pain Now – How to Save Your Marriage Today
Importance of taking the action now for saving your marriage.
I know how much pain you are going through right now. But if you don’t take a new course of action, no amount of time spent on the internet will ever help you. In fact every day without change, is one less day of happiness, and another day of increasing pain. You need to believe that nothing is impossible, but great changes require courage. No matter what situation your marriage is in – even if you are on the verge of divorce, I know that with knowledge and determination, everyone can have the life and marriage of their dreams. If you’re willing to give it a chance and you believe, you’ll be amazed at where your relationship is in a relatively short time from now!
When you take the correct steps, your marriage stops being a commitment to coexisting, by searching for reasons to be together or worrying about how divorce will affect the children. Instead it will instead be living in love and passion. Your life will be filled with surprise and adventure. I am now so happy in my marriage that I wish we could spend every second together. Don’t wait for later to arrive. Through small steps I have seen my marriage heal. This book helped me to see things from my wife’s perspective. The author has a wonderful way of explaining the facts and what needs to be done on both our parts. It also, and maybe this is mostly what this book did for me, helped me to know how I could improve and make the healing process easier. Now, it is not easy, but if you love your spouse, you WILL DO IT! Good luck and may you be successful in building successful marriage. This book will give you peace and will settle your anxieties.